Update

As there's only one person who reads this, I feel safe in letting myself rant in it...or just talk. Read it, don't. Whatever.


It's less than a day into the New Year and I'm already completely miserable. I want to go back to Fredonia...I want just to not be home...I'm sick of feeling utterly useless in everything I do when I'm here. I'm pathetic. You guys don't need to remind me of it daily. I know I should just go away...run away. Maybe I'll leave Fredonia and try over? Some place new?

Who am I kidding? I can't leave...even if I really wanted to, I couldn't leave. No cash...no anything...no escape. I'm trapped in a hell that I created for myself.

Hell's Fire...I'm not even happy with what I'm studying in school. I don't even want to be in school. I want to write...paint...anything but be spoon-fed bullshit. I'd be happy takiin time off and just spending it with friends--writing, watching...enjoying life.

More I think about it...more I want to just give up with people. Affection and shit like that only hurts. You'd think I would have learned that by now. Hell...freshman year, i decided to come back home for love...see how that ended...last year I pined as was utterly stupid for it...this year was no different. Maybe I just like being treated like shit. Or maybe I'm just not worth it. I'm starting to think it's more of the latter...

I'm just not worth it. Not worth the hassle and the commitment. No one wants some one who's broken. Shattered means that no one has to worry...

Read this as me being pathetic...or read it as me giving up. I'm no good as a friend, I demand too much. It's safer in my own little world...this body hurts too much. Just let it die...honestly. The abyss would be a welcome, and I doubt anyone would try to pull me out.

No one wants to deal with a ragamuffin child.

Grades are in...

Grades post for the semester.


It was fairly productive...and I only got low marks in the one class I hated attending...so all and all a productive semester.

Overall GPA for Fall 2006--3.49

Cummulative is somewhere around a 3.2 (I need to spike that just a bit...)


EDU 301 ( Safe Schools--Child Abuse workshop) : A
EDU 349 (Educational Psychology) : A
ENGL 211 (World Poetry) : A-
ENGL 250 (Literacy and Technology) : A
ENGL 341 (Harlem Renaissance) : C+
HONR 229 (Western Civilization) : B+

....all and all, good academic standing. Cheers.

Some quotes

"I know what it's like to have power you can't control. Every time I start to wolf out, I touch something deep, dark...It's not fun." ~Oz

O- "Okay, I'm either borrowing all your albums or I'm moving in."
G- "Oz, there are more important things than records right now."
O- "More important than this one?"
G- "Yes, well, I suppose an argument could be made..."

"I know you haven't been in the game for a while, mate, but we do still kill people. It's sort of our raison d'etre, you know?"~Spike


"Real love isn't brains, children, it's blood; it's blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it."~Spike

More later..

Worried...

You want worried?

Concerned?


Well stop.

No one wants to hear how concerned you are, or how much you want to help.
Tis the season for Darwin to be at work--survival of the fittest.
No one wants to hear it if you're broke, cold, sick, dying.
Just shut up and move on.
If you can't make it, move so the rest of us have a clear path to the next step.

No use for the weak, the insignificant.
Either you fight or you fail. No third option.

Matters of the heart are worthless--
Show only weakness.
Cannot be bothered with them now--
I learned from my mistakes.
Better the sorrow of being alone than the stabbing pain of being with someone
Anyone.

Humanity's not worth it.
I'll take my books, my art, my cold facts.
Leave humanity to those who are willingly stupid.

Glee.


Chris is back. *huggles*

Okay...it was a point of excitement for me anyway.

Something's off

Something's rotten in the state of Denmark...

It's an odd feeling...but no creativity or motivation. It's not welcome, damn it.

SIck

Fucking sick.

Damn.

Again.

I don't need this. At all.

*Fuck*